On Wednesday, November 11, 1981, I met the love of my life, Bill, through an ad I had placed in a local gay magazine. I have written a book about us starting on that day and ending on the aftermath for me. Yes there is my story, his story and somewhere in the middle the truth, but “For What We Had”, which was written in 1984, after the break-up, was my story. I sent Bill a copy and to this day I don’t know if he read it and if he did, what he thought. By June, 1983 it was all over though we would be going to NYC in the Fall. I’ve written blogs about Bill so I won’t go into the whole story here.

The bottom line is that I believe Bill and I loved each other unconditionally for quite awhile but it wasn’t enough. Like my not knowing whether he read the book or not. I remember him once saying that he had read enough books in collage that he didn’t want to read anymore. We had very little in common to build a relationship. Bill was book smart while I was street smart. He had gone to a top school graduating with honors and I had one semester at a run of the mill university. He liked working on his 1920s Ford while all I knew about a car was to join AAA. He liked his motorcycle while I was scared to death of riding on it. He went to see “The King and I” to celebrate his anniversary when he was married, it being a special occasion while I had been going to the theatre since I could walk. I believed in ‘little things mean a lot’ while it meant nothing to him to forget, what I considered, important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or doing things for no reason at all. He was an engineer while I was a waiter.  What we did have in common was that we were gay.

Bill was coming out of the closet while I had never been in it. As it had been fun showing Johnny places that he had never seen before and my seeing them again through his eyes, in a way it was the same with Bill. I introduced him to a world of life that he hadn’t seen before including baths, bars, his being cruised and not even being aware of it. We drove from Fort Lauderdale to Memphis via New Orleans (see picture below) having beignets there, having dinner in Ruth Chris’s in Jackson, Mississippi and then spending time in Memphis and, yes, seeing “A Chorus Line” in the amphitheatre on Mudd Island.

By the time Bill was completely out of the closet where were we to go? It was over and I had never felt such pain but I was able to write it out in the book. The whole experience also brought home to me, after 4 relationships, that it requires many things I wasn’t willing to bring to a relationship. No, I am not a forgiver or a compromiser. I very quickly got bored with having sex with the same person. I am a very selfish person. Yes, I am very giving but when I want to and on my terms. I don’t need/want someone 24/7 but I do need/want time alone for myself. I don’t want to answer to someone for what I do or where I go–that was among the many reasons that I decided in the mid 1980s I wouldn’t look for, or did I want, another lover, partner, whatever you want to call it, that I just wanted friends and my life has been a lot better since I made that decision though I was tempted once or twice! :O)

A lot more happened in the 1980s like AIDS, my father having a stroke and diagnosed with Alzheimers, my mother dying, the last time I was to see my brother and sister-in-law, job changes, Steven but for me personally the biggest, best thing was meeting and being with Bill for the time we did have together.


Posted September 25, 2012 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

Tagged with ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: