In “The Brand New Testament” God lives in Brussels in an apartment with his wife and daughter with his son JC taking off many years/centuries before and has a huge room filled with files of all his creations, also with important information on his computer. He is bored with the humans he has created so he sits around all day making new rules like “The other line will always move faster than the one you are in”  or “as soon as you get in the tub the phone will ring” while also setting up disasters for them.

Ea, (Pili Groyne), His daughter 10 years old rebels, sneaks into the office, breaks into the computer files and lets everyone know when they are going to die, some within minutes and others up to 90 years later, causing havoc such as one young man being told he will live for 61 years goes jumping off sky high buildings, airplanes, etc.

“The Brand New Testament” is being sold as a comedy, a satire, a farce and, in some cases, just silly.

Ea has to find 6 more Apostles to make a total of 18–why that number may constitute a ‘spoiler’ so I’ll let you figure that out–to solve the world’s problems.

One by one we, and Ea, meet the apostles; Aurelie (Laura Verlinden) who has a prosthetic arm, Jean-Claude (Didier De Neck) who quits his job to follow a flock of birds, Marc (Serge Lariviere) a sex maniac killer, Francois (Francois Damiens), Martine (Catherine Deneuve) who falls in love with a gorilla and a boy Willie (Romain Gelin) who wants to be a girl before he dies.

There is no faulting the cast from all those mentioned in addition to David Murgia who plays JC when he isn’t a statue on a shelf in his parent’s home, Yolande Moreau as God’s sort of spaced out wife and God himself played by Benoit Poelvoorde as a really loud, slovenly dressed bore and jerk. Ten year old Ea played by Pili Groyne holds her own with God and the rest of the cast.

Bottom line for me is that “The Brand New Testament” will be in my top 5 most boring films but in all fairness Philippe liked it (The film is in French and he is French so maybe ???), Allen thought it was good (but only laughed once!) while I only heard one person in the audience laugh from beginning to end whilthe rest of us were silent.

Let me leave you with what the director/screenwriter Jaco Van Dormael sees as a funny line in one of God’s new laws: “When a piece of bread with jelly falls on the floor it will always land on the jelly side.” If you like that, find it funny, then you may like this film. I liked the line but didn’t find it, or any of His new laws, funny.



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