Archive for the ‘PEOPLE’ Tag

RIGID AND/OR GOAL ORIENTED PEOPLE   1 comment


(Allen and I at “Disney Newsies” last night)

I have no right to tell people how to live their lives and I’m not but I am trying to understand how they do it! Actually I am, at 79, still trying to understand people!

I go to a few blogs and I just shake my head. They are so rigid that I just know they schedule what time to urinate! And then there are the ones with goals. Now I know it is great having goals but I have gotten through 79 years of not having goals and I am a very happy, old, retired, contented man who has most everything he needs. Okay I don’t have a car because I can’t afford the insurance but with my 20th Leap Year birthday coming up I just might suggest someone, as a gift, surprise me with a year’s life insurance for a car I would buy! Is that a goal? I don’t think so because it isn’t something I feel I need to ‘accomplish’.

Most of my life I have been impulsive/compulsive and now that I am retired the one thing I won’t do is schedule every hour of my day. Sure I have doctor’s appointments and I go to the theatre so there is some scheduling there but the one thing I have learned is “So what?”  So what if I don’t clean the apartment every day? So what if I don’t take a shower every day? So what if I don’t keep a doctor’s appointment? So what if I don’t go to a wedding or if I don’t post a blog a day? So what if I don’t see a movie every Friday?

I wasn’t very goal oriented most of my life. Yes I wanted to graduate high school and yes I wanted to earn a living but I never said by the age of whatever I have had to accomplish this or that. As a server I wanted to be a professional server but it wasn’t a goal to be the best ever (though I probably was!) and even when it came to losing over a 100+ pounds I didn’t make goals, I knew if I did the right thing it would come off. I may have had a goal to be one of the very few, one of the only 2-3%, to keep it off but I wasn’t rigid about what I did. Yes I put back 28 pounds, so what?

It is the rigid routines that people have that drive me crazy! “I have to do this at such and such a time and that an hour and 23 minutes later and then 2 hours and 12 minutes I must do this.” The world will not fall apart if it isn’t done and that might bruise an ego but what if they dropped dead right now–not that I wish that on them–so what?

I don’t know if goal setting and/or if  being so rigid is taught by their parents or they saw their parents living in chaos and they didn’t want that so they schedule everything. Did parents teach others to set goals or they would go nowhere in the world?

To see people have goals and/or very rigid schedules for things that can be done at anytime even when they are retired says to me they don’t know how to relax! Is it on the 40 year olds schedule to sit and appreciate Mother Nature at exactly 3:05 PM? Will the 50 year old set a goal to live to be a 60 year old? How will they ever enjoy retirement?
Yes I have a goal of wanting to go back to New Zealand when (not if) I win the lottery but I have no plans for when and should I win the lotto on Saturday I will collect the money on Monday and go to the airport and get on a plane to Auckland!

Will I change? Probably as much as the one who has goals and/or rigid schedules will change—not at all!

Posted February 4, 2015 by greatmartin in LIFE

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THANKSGIVING REMEMBRANCE   Leave a comment

   

We all have many things to be thankful for but every Thanksgiving (and many times over the year) I am most grateful for people who have added to my life and are no more with my physically–I know they are my Guardian Angels looking over my shoulder every day of the year–though YOU may not know them they are a part of my family and I would like to share them with you. During the 80s I lost many friends due to AIDS but now as I am old I am losing many of them to natural causes from growing old.

Until the end BJ fought to stay alive but it wasn’t enough. I only knew her for a very short time over the years if I totaled them up but once you met her you never forgot her.

Then there was Robert who knew he would live for a very long time but it wasn’t long enough. I’ve written about him over the years and he and James who were together for over 50 years. We were close friends for over 30 years.

I miss Layde. She was fun and a great supporter of mine not to mention donating many hours to editing my books and, many times, my thoughts. We met in Tennessee and a few years later she moved to Dallas with her sister Nina and Nina’s partner Jean. She was always there for me with a joke or a shoulder to cry on.

Due to age many people here at Gateway have died. we lost Emily and Barbara and we lost we lost Carmen and Liz, both to cancer. Liz was an outgoing artist who volunteered every Saturday giving walking tours of the Bonnet House, an historical landmark in Fort Lauderdale. She did not suffer fools gladly and wasn’t shy about telling them off.

I have never seen a family matriarch as loved by her family as Carmen was and each child, both daughters and sons, were more beautiful, more handsome than the other. They were polite, well mannered and respected all adults even as they were adults themselves. Her grandson, a strapping 6 feet, 200 pound 13 year old, loved her so much he couldn’t but help show her every time he was near. She was caring, loving, positive and optimistic to all her family, friends and neighbors and had a wicked sense of humor.

They may just be names to you but along with many others they bring a smile and warmth to me whenever I think of them and I often do.  I hope Ladye, BJ, Liz, Robert and Carmen get to say hello to:

Albyn (heart attack), Flo (cancer), Joe (stroke), Ginny (cancer), Ronnie (heart attack) Bob B. (heart attack), John C. (AIDS), Tom L. (AIDS), Ray B. (heart attack), Buddy (AIDS), Michael Mc (AIDS),  Joe (heart attack) Bob/Dr K (heart attack), Vinnie (heart attack) Robert I. (phenomena)–just a few of my Guardian Angels!!!!

Unless I am old, and being forgetful, or not wanting to remember, I don’t recall losing anyone this year and hope I don’t/won’t.

Here’s also a piece of my heart for all those young people in their teens who have suffered and died from AIDS because their parents and adults don’t care about ‘kids’ nor do they want the government to spend money on helping them. I miss, and remember, each one of you. And to those who have had their life cut short whether they were teens or preyed on by others as they have aged you are missed.

Posted November 28, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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2 MORE REASONS I LOVE LIVING AT GATEWAY   Leave a comment

Around 4-4:30 pm a group of people gather at The Point just to relax and talk. A group of us use to meet on the breezeway about the same time but since they built the pool rest rooms and the new rules don’t allow cocktails (which we use to have on Friday evenings and people would bring snacks), plus most of that group have died or moved on , we have moved. It is really pleasant sitting by the bay, watching the boats, board paddlers and kayaks go by.

As I have mentioned before I live in a residential community of about 300 seniors many of who don’t have any family and/or live far away from them. Holidays are a notorious time for old people who drink too much, commit suicide or just give up on life . As a group most of us try to help each other but some fall through the cracks.

Irene and John have been living here awhile and do a lot of volunteer work–John runs the library as an example–and Russ is a fairly new resident. Don’t know if you can read the notice but it starts, “With all the residents who have nowhere to go or spend Thanksgiving Day with well now you do.” On Thanksgiving Day afternoon at 1 PM they are offering a free buffet for anyone who wants to come.

As Allen and I will be doing our yearly ritual—going to the Isles Casino for their buffet spread–I won’t be in the community room with the folks but I will certainly be thinking of them.

Life is good folks when you are surrounded by people who care–don’t take it lightly!

 

Posted November 20, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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A MAN TURNS 30–HAPPY BIRTHDAY   Leave a comment

 

 
I have been going over old blogs with intentions of deleting them when I came across this one that I wrote 7 years ago to a fellow blogger–he has come a  long since 2006 and is leading a life by example for those coming up behind him!
 
 
Hopefully your 30s won’t be as tumultrious as mine were but from what I have read, and talking to other men, it is 10 years of many changes.My 30s were a remarkable decade on a rollar coaster ride–I went from being a little fish in a HUGE pond to a HUGE fish in a small pond then back to the little fish in a HUGE pond again.
IF I had to pick one decade of my life that was the most interesting it would be the 30s.

I started off living in a very cramped studio apartment in NYC working as a waiter, spending every tip I made on booze and crusing–2 years later I was living in a magnificent townhouse in Memphis netting $90, 000 a year (remember this is 1970s money) with ALL expenses (food, clothes, car, etc.) paid for by the company.
I was interviewed on TV, the radio, in newspapers and magazines–traveling all over the States and the world.
5 years later I was in a very messy business, and relationship, divorce (too bad palimony wasn’t around then!) including appearances in court. I left the business and opened my own.
Left the lover/hater and met another.
I went through TA therapy (that’s when I read “Passages”) and learned who I was.
I was really at my peak physically–lost 100+ pounds (thank god for being young and the skin ‘elastic’)–modestly, a HUNK! And it was the time of real big changes in men’s clothing–see through shirts and trousers–but then there was the Neru suit.
I stopped lying–a big issue for my first 29 years.
I started to give up improbable dreams and faced reality. I became a man instead of remaining a boy. (If you aren’t familiar with it try to read or listen to the Charles Aznavour, a French singer and actor, “What Is A Man?” Or Paul’s–in “A Chorus Line”–monologue about discovering what a man is and there not being many.)
The 30s are the time you want to show the world what you have acquired–I was doing ‘bling’ before it was fashionable.
The most important questions I had–looking at myself, my friends, my world–were: 1) Is this what I want? 2) What do I want? By the time I reached 40 I knew the answers to both questions.

The only advice I can give you as you reach your 30s is to start taking care and being serious about your health–what you do or don’t do in your 30s will start showing up in your mid 50s to 60s.

Life goes faster as you get older so enjoy your 30s–the bad, the good and the ugly–get ready for changes–I wish you only the good!


Posted November 19, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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WHY DOES MY BEING HAPPY MAKE YOU UNHAPPY?   Leave a comment

 

(Argh!!! Sorry I didn’t realize until I was finished that I was ‘shouting’–caps lock on–hey, another reason for the losers not to like me–too lazy to redo it LOL)

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO I AM READ MY PROFILE IF YOU HAVEN’T–IT’S ALL THERE!

IRONICALLY I FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE MISERABLE WITH, OR IN, THEIR LIFE, DISLIKE (HATE?) PEOPLE WHO LEAD/HAVE A GOOD LIFE.


SOME ‘FUNNIES’;

THE BLOGGER WITH ATTITUDE BECAUSE I WAS A PROFESSIONAL AT MY JOB FOR 38 YEARS, LOVED IT AND KNOW THE INS AND OUTS–JUMPED ALL OVER ME THOUGH IT MAKES NOT ONE BIT OF DIFFERENCE TO ME OR MY LIFE WHETHER SHE BECOMES MORE POSITIVE OR NOT.

THE ONE WHO IS SO JEALOUS OF ME THAT THEY HAVE TO MAKE  NEGATIVE COMMENTS ON OTHER PEOPLE’S BLOGS, WHERE I MAKE A COMMENT, ABOUT ME–IF ONLY THEY KNOW THEY GIVE ME A BIG LAUGH EVERY TIME THEY DO IT IF I EVEN READ IT AS WHEN I SEE THEIR AVATAR I USUALLY SKIP OVER IT.

LET’S NOT FORGET THE ONE WHO ‘DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE JEWISH’!

THE BLOGGER WHOSE SPOUSE DOESN’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM SO THEY GET NASTY WHEN AND IF I EXPRESS MY SATISFACTION WITH MY SEX LIFE–AND AT MY AGE IT IS GOOD! WELL NOT AS GOOD AS WHEN I WAS YOUNG! LOL


THE 3 OR 4 WHO ATTACK ME WITH ‘YOU HAVE AN AGENDA’–EVERYONE HAS AN AGENDA–WHETHER RACE, RELIGION, GENDER, SEXUALITY, ETC.,–ALL I WANT IS TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT AND EQUALITY OR EVEN BETTER LEFT ALONE–I’VE PAID MY DUES–SOME PEOPLE IDENTIFY AS CHRISTIAN, SOME AS BLACK SOME AS GAY, SOME AS MALE OTHERS AS FEMALE, ETC. I IDENTIFY AS A GAY MALE–TOO BAD IF THAT OFFENDS YOU AND YOU THINK I HAVE AN AGENDA–I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOW MY AGENDA DIFFERS FROM YOURS!!! AND, OH YES, JUST WHAT THE HECK IS A ‘GAY LIFESTYLE’? HECK, I EVEN KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS A LEFTIE!

I AM A HAPPY PERSON–I LIKE TO LAUGH–ENJOY LIFE–EXCHANGE BARBS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR–BE AS OUTRAGED ABOUT WHAT I HAVE FACED FOR YEARS AS YOU WANT ME TO BE OUTRAGED WITH YOUR BEING ATTACKED–TO EAT OUT–TO GO TO THE MOVIES–THE THEATRE–TO WRITE–TO ENJOY A SELECT GROUP OF FRIENDS WHO I CAN DEPEND ON AND WHO KNOW THEY CAN DEPEND ON ME.

I LOVE MY LIFE AND I AM SORRY IF YOU DON’T LOVE YOURS BUT I REALIZE THAT IF YOUR TRYING TO BRING ME DOWN MAKES YOU HAPPY GO AHEAD I CAN HANDLE ALL AND ANY INSULTS YOU WANT TO HURL AT ME BECAUSE THEY ARE MEANINGLESS AT THE END OF THE DAY–TO THOSE WHO SHARE MY HAPPINESS–MY POSITIVE OUTLOOK AT LIFE–WHO KNOW THEY HAVE IT MADE, AS I DO, JUST BY WAKING UP IN THE MORNING–WHO WANT TO SHARE A SMILE, A JOKE, A GESTURE, WHO CAN GIVE AS WELL AS TAKE–THANKS FOR BEING IN MY WORLD.

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“Love not what you are but

what you may become.”

Miguel de Cervantes

Posted October 3, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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GAMES PEOPLE PLAY PART 2 (A PREQUEL)   Leave a comment

(I FOUND ANOTHER POST ON GAMES PEOPLE PLAY–THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN PART 1)

   

Forty one years ago I discovered Transactional Analysis which was originated by Eric Berne and it has been extremely helpful in getting along in/with life, especially during the hard times. One of the things Berne emphasized, and wrote a big, best selling book, called “The Games People Play”. People are still playing games and I have seen it more so on blogging posts. The one thing that a person has to keep in mind is that it takes two people to play these games and if one stops–the smarter one–the game is over and the ‘player’ will look for someone else to get involved with their games.

     

I do suggest that you read the 4 following books in the order I list them if you are interested in finding how you got where you are and how you can, easily, change things: “I’m Okay–You’re Okay” by Thomas Harris and “Born To Win” by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward explain what Transactional Analysis is and how/why you do certain things in your life while “Games People Play” by Eric Berne goes more into what the purpose of this blog is while last,  but not least, “Loneliness: The Fear of Love” by Ira J. Tanner in which the author shows you how to become aware of the nature of your emotional choices and points to why you can be/are lonely in a marriage, a family, when being with others.

My main focus on this post is to get into the games people play with each other even though they are losing games and make each one feel worse until the games stop.

I have seen, and even played a couple of these games until I realized what I was doing, stopped, and watched them go on to play with other people, in the field of blogging. Now before you jump to conclusions like, “He is talking about me!” or “Well, he certainly isn’t talking about me,” remember that my blog is posted at 9 different blogging sites.

Now some of these games are ‘amusing’ in the sense we can read teenagers blogs and their ‘heart break’, ‘he/she doesn’t even know I exist’, ‘my parents don’t understand me’, ‘I HATE—- (you fill in the blank)” because we have been there, know how serious they are and yet also know a year or two from now they won’t even remember who they are talking about.

It is the others–the destructive ones–the ones who are at a standstill in their life and don’t know how, or want, to change the misery they have embraced, the ones who get drunk and don’t see it as a problem, the ones who are living a loveless life by choice but not knowing how, or why,  they made that choice, the ones who have compromised to the point that they have lost themselves, the ones who can’t fathom being alone and not being lonely and those who are losers but think they are winners because they think they are winning the games they play. The ones who are in relationships they don’t want to be in but feel they have no choice or settle for less than they should have.

Some of the biggest games are: “Yes, but…”, “Poor Little Me”. “The Injustice Collector”, “Kick Me”, “Uproar”, “Negative Attention Is Better Than No Attention At All”, “Debtor”, “Ain’t It Awful”, “If It Weren’t For You I could”, “Now I’ve Got You You SOB!” to name a few.

Games are time structuring devices which keep people apart and from getting on with their lives. I believe the biggest game played by bloggers is the “Negative Attention Is Better Than No Attention At All,” and I will talk about that and how so many bloggers post negative things about themselves, the other games mentioned and a few I have played not realizing I was falling back into old tapes in my head until I did/do and withdraw from the games .

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I live most of my life now game free but I do admit finding myself in the middle of one before I realize (like just recently) but then I drop out of the game and the other player(s) flounder around either looking for other players or other games– do yourself a favor and live your life as game free as you can.

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For more information go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_Analysis

Posted September 10, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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GAMES PEOPLE PLAY–IT TAKES TWO   Leave a comment

I have posted this before in various forms. In 1972 I went through Transactional Analysis Therapy and read 4 books that changed my life: “Loneliness: The Fear Of Love” by Ira Tanner, “Passages” by Gail Sheehy, “Born To Win” by Murial James and Dorothy Jongeward, P.H. D, “I’m Okay, You’re Okay” by Thomas A. Harris, M. D.  and a 5th one “Games People Play” by Eric Berne, M.D., that verified everything. These books were written between 1967-1976 and they all could have been written and published today.

 Don’t assume (and we all know what assume stands for) this is about you but if the shoe fits isn’t it time you changed to another pair of shoes? (Guess I am into a shoe fetish today LOL)

  “Yes, But….” is a game negative people play. No matter what you say to them, regarding any subject, they will come back with the answer, “Yes, but…”  “That’s a nice dress.” “Yes, but it is old.”  Whether it is a compliment, a suggestion, an idea, a change, no matter what, they have that “Yes, but…” waiting.

“Games prevent honest, intimate and open relationships between people. Games are played to win, but a person who plays games as a way of life is not a winner. (Born to Win)”

Sally loses a lot of weight and gets a lot of attention and continues to get attention as she keeps the weight off but, little by little, people come to accept the ‘new’ Sally and the attention stops. How does Sally get attention? Regain the weight. “Negative Attention Is Better Than No Attention At All”. Calling people names, putting people down, discounting people are all ways of getting negative attention not to forget committing a horrendous crime, stealing a lot of money and going to other extremes. While most people don’t go that far they will demean themselves to get attention like getting drunk (been there), talk about being a slut or all the sex partners they have (done that)–not once in awhile but consistently.

“Games tend to be repetitious. People find themselves saying the same things in the same ways, only the time and the place may change. (Born To Win)”

We all know people who play “Poor Little Me”–they are always complaining about their life whether it be physical, economical or emotional. People, ‘they’, are always preventing them from doing better. They are, generally, also “Injustice Collectors”, people who harbor any and all, possibly imagined, insults and then one day explode. Both these game players hinder themselves. Both have an excuse to NOT better themselves and are always blaming someone /something else–their spouse, society, economics, parents and, even sometimes, their pets like “I can’t go on vacation because I can’t afford to put Fido in a kennel and I have no one to take care of them. Poor little me. It is unjust!”

“The fact is that games are not fun or funny. They are defenses to protect individuals from greater or lesser degrees of pain growing from the I am not okay position. (I’M OK–YOU’RE OK)”

To be called on a game might often produce anger. Games are negative time structuring devices which keep people apart and are constantly repeated. If they can find like players to gang up on someone they fail because they will, eventually, turn on each other–that is the nature of the negative game–not having people agree with you.

“Games are a series of transaction between two people leading to a definite payoff—feelings of rejection, disappointment, anger, guilt or hurt. (Loneliness:The Fear of Love)”

The type of games that you play are based on how you feel about yourself.

A person’s favorite game is, “If It Weren’t For You”–when Eve ate the apple and was asked why, she blamed the snake–when Adam was asked why he took a bite of the apple he blamed Eve–now they were both victims and could claim, “If it wasn’t for you…”. To not take responsibility it is easier to say, “See what you made me do.”

We get even with people through self-injury, flunking a test, striking out at someone, sitting and brooding, name calling. Sometimes the rewards of winning a game are small like weeping in the bedroom, having a headache, throwing a dish, dressing down someone–all a way of saying “I won this game,”–and by doing this we emphasize our negative feelings and not feeling good about ourselves we play a game again.

When a person posts the same negative feelings, words, attacks again and again they are reinforcing their own negative feelings about themselves and end friendships and intimacy with others and they win by feeling bad.

I once knew someone–and still know 2-3 people like that–who the unhappier they were/are, the more they had to complain about, the more they could put someone/anyone down, the happier they were and that’s a sad, sad game.

Did you ever notice that sad, unhappy people hate happy, positive people?

There are a few other games people, especially bloggers, play that I will post about in the future.

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For men who think they are ‘better’, ‘different’, ‘superior’, ‘smarter’–I suggest they read “Passages” and they will see themselves at 20, 30, 40 and over 50. People are more alike then they are different and it is so easy to see that on blog sites.

Posted September 8, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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THINGS I DON’T WANT TO SEE/READ AND/OR HEAR AGAIN!!   Leave a comment

Was walking around Gateway and saw this beautiful lilly in bloom and the buds on top ready to bloom–by the way it looks like the night cactus is done blooming! The blue flowers are on my walkway–them and the marigolds are from March when I bought and planted The Dollar Tree store seeds.

Now on to the subject of this post–a rant by an old man. LOL

“You are as young as you feel.”  “Age is just a number.” Or other such stupid platitudes that are pure bull. (Your body knows a lot better!)

“Some of my best friends are…” How condescending that is to whomever you are talking about. Some blogger–I really don’t remember who–mentioned that they have a black friend and don’t see their color! Then why mention he is black. Or the one who talks about all their gay friends as if they should get a medal for being so liberal. And, of course, we have all heard “Some of my best friends are Jewish” or women or democrats or Latin or whatever. If they are your friend why do you feel the need to point out their race, religion, gender, social or economic status, etc? To make yourself feel better???

“Gay friendly”–I don’t want to hear a person, a group or a business is ‘gay friendly’–if they are they would be voting to help gay people achieve equality–if they were they would be donating to gay groups–if they were they wouldn’t be telling gay jokes that degrade gay people–if they were they would be signing partitions, walking in marches, not tolerating negative things about gay people. Don’t talk about being gay friendly–show you are by DOING something.

“Christians are being put down”–maybe if christians would follow your religion, would not pick and choose from the bible, not be so hateful to others, would stop the name calling, just for a start, people wouldn’t be ‘against them’. I know a few Christians but most posts I read  are by christians–and there is a big difference.

I would be very happy if I NEVER hear or read a curse word again. I know them all and as a  gay, Jewish boy in the Bronx was called quite a few of them. (At least I don’t hear the Jewish “K” word too much these days.) There isn’t a day that I don’t come on the Internet to read blogs that I don’t see negative gay terms written by nongay people. Are nongay people so insecure that a gay person threatens their way of life, will end their marriage–and it is not only males (who think all gay men want them LOL) but females, too.  The “F” word is used so often in the movies today it isn’t shocking. And why do people, mostly young kids (to show how grown up they aren’t? It only makes them sound more childish) use the word in blog titles and/or in blogs?

“If you really love me you would—-” Hey, if you really loved me you wouldn’t ask me to do something that I don’t want to do!

“Can I ask you a question?” Ask the question–I have the right to answer it or not. Next time you ask me that I will say “NO!”

“You’re next.”  (Duh!)

“Yes, but…” That’s really a game you should stop playing.

“Thank you, but…” Accept the compliment–no ‘but’.

“This line is faster.”

And those are just a few–what statements annoy you??? :O)

Posted July 7, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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7 DECADES SERIES 1997-JUNE 1999 PART 23 B   Leave a comment

As a rule life goes at one speed most of the time and then comes a big bump which could be either positive or negative.  I have come across these bumps from as far back as I can remember until 2008 and since then it has been at that one speed but I am jumping ahead of the story.

I have written other chapters about Perry, who I met in 1956 in Miami Beach, and Ronnie who I worked with at The Brass Rail in New York in 1968 and we became close friends.  When I moved to Memphis I kept in touch with both and saw Ronnie whenever I made a trip back to NYC but eventually Perry ‘disappeared’ and he wouldn’t come back into my life in the 1990s and, in a way, saved me.  He now lived in West Palm Beach and we would see each other every once in awhile. Ronnie came to visit me a couple of times in the 1990s and in the 2000s.

In May 1997 normal life was going on: was having problems with my car and it spent a lot of time at National Top & Glass with the ‘arms’ of the top having to be replaced and the top itself wearing out–Jack, the owner, always was fair with me showing what he payed for materials and what he charged me. He knew most of the automobile parts places in town and, so far, was able to replace what needed to be replaced to keep my car in top shape. I was ‘paying’ once again with credit cards even at one point charging groceries which was something I didn’t recall doing before. In one week I won $400 with Play 4 and spent (charged) $901 on getting the car fixed. I was still out of work.

“A Chorus Line” was coming to the fairly new Broward Performing Arts Center and as long as I had charge cards I was going! On June 17 Bob, Jim, Joan and I had dinner at Wally’s Tavern (closed) and then went to see the show. From my diary, “I still love it!”  Bob Mitchell and I went to see “ACL” on the 19th and on June 21 Perry and I went to see the show–in diary–“Excellent as always.  Perry told me that he had gone bankrupt with his last art gallery and was now living in a high rise HUD supported building in West Palm and that I should look into places in Broward.”

At the end of June I wrote, “NO JOB! NO MONEY (Except some unemployment) and I am charging everything to credit cards–where will it end?”  Obviously I knew I was heading for trouble but I didn’t seem concerned and was just going on with my life by going to shows, movies, eating out and, yes, having the time I was having a lot of sex! I was, also, for the first time, using those checks credit cards send in the mail where the interest was outrageous. At the end of July the summary was, “Lousy month–out of work 5 and 1/2 months–running out of money, charging too much but at least the weight is okay!”

On Monday, August 4, 1997, I went for an interview with Cindy at The Crabhouse at the Fountains and I had a good feeling about the interview. Feeling positive I had the front seat on the car fixed for $120 on Wednesday and on Thursday Cindy called and told me to come in for orientation. I followed Christie, had Saturday and Sunday off, got two tables on Monday and by Tuesday I was on the regular schedule. On Wednesday I had to get 2 new tires for $180, charged of course. Funny but I have a note in my diary, “Don’t particularly like the job but I need the money. The side work is ridiculous!” I had to get a complete new front seat which cost $250 which I didn’t charge! Little by little the car was costing me more and more and then on August 24, coming home from work, an 18 year old girl driving her parent’s car went through a red light and slammed into me. I had to go to the hospital to get stitches. All State took the car to West Palm tobe’evaluated’ but no way could I let them ‘total’ it. Unlike me I was making mistakes at work such as ordering 5 plates of stuffed shrimp instead of 5 shrimp platters. I took a couple of days off and then had to go into work to train on Aloha software program. My eyes were black and blue with red bags underneath. I met with a doctor and lawyer.

A couple of weeks later I got  call from All State and they said something like $714 for total and I just said that wouldn’t work as I needed the car and couldn’t afford to buy another. My lawyer called and said neither the girl or her family had car insurance nor did they have any assets that would make it worthwhile suing. I don’t remember the details but I do have a note in September that All State called and offered me $1,700 and I said no. What kind of car could I buy for that money? How much would it cost to get my car in running order? I was using a rental car paid for by the insurance company. I did write them I would settle for $3,400 not expecting them to agree but not knowing what else to do.

By the end of October I was still driving the rental car for free, I was making decent money at The Crabhouse, worked with some decent people though I didn’t like one of the managers Marcello, lost 12 and 1/2 pounds. Finally All State offered me $1,300, I said no, had it towed to Abanathy’s who told me it would cost about $3,000 plus a paint job to get it going. I did go car shopping and the cheapest convertible I could find was $3, 950 which was at the same place I had bought my convertible 16 years ago. I decided to stay with what I had, charge the repairs and think about starting to collect Social Security as I would be 62 in 1998. I did something smart for a change and talked to an accountant who told me that if I started collecting at 62 I would be at least 81 before I got back what I had paid into SS but I would be smarter to wait until I was 65. Hey I said I did something smart for a change but that doesn’t mean I followed his advice!

I was hoping the car crash would be the last negative bump in my life but it was not to be though there were a few positive, very positive, bumps also.

Posted March 26, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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7 DECADES LEAP YEAR BIRTHDAY 1996 PART 22 A   Leave a comment

1996 started off great as I was working but more important I was going to have my 15th Leap Year Birthday on February 29th, which kept me going through January. A few times the waitress who worked the graveyard shift didn’t show so I had to work a double shift. On the 5th a policeman was shot outside the restaurant and traffic was cut off for blocks all around 17th Street and Federal Highway which meant there was no business and we were stuck in the place. On the 11th I had to get new glasses and I charged the $188, but it was okay because I was working. On the 16th I went to see “The Inspector Calls” at the Parker Playhouse after dinner at the Park Café with David, charged it all of course but I was working. I was going to the movies every week seeing “Heat”, “Dead Man Walking”,  “Mr. Holland’s Opus” and “Sense and Sensibility” and I was paying cash! Then I got hit with 2things, the first being that Todd’s was going to close and become a Denny’s which I definitely didn’t want to work at and I needed a new top for my car. On February 6 I was out of a job which was okay as I needed time to plan for my Leap year party. I had paid off my debts and had saved $5,377.93 which included a tax refund so I was in good shape and decided to take the rest of the month off before I went job hunting. I was sending out 3 manuscripts plus a play script that I sent to the Glines Theatre group. It was time to start celebrating my birthday.

I don’t know/remember who Mark was but he figured quite prominently in the doings for my 15th birthday. He and I went for lunch at Mango’s, which by the way is still in business and had dinner at Lester’s, also still open. The next day we went to the Bimini Boatyard for lunch and, this is getting weird, it is still open. On Wednesday, the 21st, Bob, Jim, Juan, Gino, Mark and I went to see “Love, Valour and Compassion” at the Caldwell Playhouse, now closed, and dinner at the Firehouse, yes, also closed. On the 23rd Mark and I went to Carlos & Pepe’s for dinner, still open, and we went to see “Before and After” a good movie but Streep still leaves me cold–I don’t remember the movie at all! On Monday I went down to the ZanZbar restaurant to make reservations and plans  for my birthday party.

The invitation was headed “DEATH BY DESSERT” to be held at the ZanZbar restaurant specializing in African food and desserts. There were 5 of us–Nancy, Jim, Bob, Gino, myself–and 16 desserts. Each dessert was homemade and had a hand carved chocolate animal on the top and each was better than the other–I know as I tasted each! It is now closed!

Looking at my notes I see that I wrote about Mark: “Possibility of Mark as a ‘companion’ but sex not that good and he doesn’t have a job or money either!” There were mentions of him, and a Miles, during the month of March but then both disappeared.

I had been going to Carlos and Pepe’s for years not to mention always liking Mexican food but really had no idea about the different tortillas or burritos. On March 24th, a Sunday, I started at “Who Song & Larry’s” which turned out to be an interesting job!

Posted February 19, 2013 by greatmartin in Uncategorized

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